Skye’s Pandemonium

If you’re in despair, please let me care;
When you’re in turmoil, let me have a share;
Please give me a sign, so that i know you’re still there;
How i wish i’m there to bear..

If life is difficult, please let me know;
If not by MSN, at least by call;
Please don’t be silent, ‘cos i’ll feel the cold;
And i wish i’m not the last being told..

Getting to know you, is mere coincidence;
But being together, is not an accident;
Please have faith, as well as confidence;
‘cos it’ll break my heart if you’re indifferent..

自从来到新的环境，常常会胡思乱想。是不是有多余的时间没事干？还是环境让我使然？有时想着向着，突然变得泪眼汪汪。。。咳。。
偶尔工作到一半，会突然感觉好孤单，寂寞。虽然同事“偶尔”会在，但总免不了觉得孤寂。
有时工作的让我喘不过气，有时又觉得太闲没事做，想着及时能放假。就算回到了家里，唯一的娱乐就是打开电脑上网。不然又会胡思乱想了。“不如去睡吧！不然脑袋太空闲，又乱想一些有的没的。
不知道为什么孤寂的感觉越来越强烈。有时甚至不想去做工。为什么？？我找不出个所以然。
想想。。。以前工作的时候不会有如持强烈的思绪波动，为何换了各地方就好像要世界末日呢？有时觉得自己好没用。。。
我曾对自己说，换个环境也好。趁年轻享受一下外面的世界。但是，思想毕竟只是个理想，并不表示事情发生了一定能适应。当然想过要换工过。。。但那也是想罢了。。
有时人往往会给别人希望。但希望越大，失望也越大。倒不如什么都不给，这样会不会比较好？

有一天，在回家的路上，小脑遇到了哭得稀里哗啦的小心。因为很好奇，就了下来。
小脑：小心，你怎么哭得这么伤心？
小心：呜呜。。。（小心哭得说不出话，一直摇头）
小脑：别哭了，告诉我到底发生了什么事？
小心：我想回家。。。
小脑：回家？你的家不是在这里吗？
小心：（摇着头）不是。我想回我的家。
小脑：这么久了难道你还不适应吗？
小心：（摇着头）还是家里最好。
小脑：咳。。都怎么久了。。为什么会这样？
小心：不知道。。我觉得在这里压力好大。。不管做什么事都得顾前顾后。睡也睡不好，就是为了想以后将要做的事。我受不了。。
小脑：你烦什么呢？己来之则安之。。
小心：我知道。但是知道是一回事，作则另一回事。
小脑：这样怎么办？回家咯。
小心：我也想啊。。但是还得等。。我没像你那么坚强。
小脑：我那里坚强来着。只是有时候情况不是我们能控制的。既然已经发生了，为什么不好好去享受，去适应呢？
小心：说得容易。别忘了，我不像你那么理智。我只是跟着感觉走。
小脑：既然如此，那么在将就多一段时间吧。我像你一定能等到那么一天的。
小心：希望如此。不然我想我早晚会疯的。

有时觉得闷，就想找些事做，
    但是事情做完了，那还剩下什么呢？
有时觉得头痛，就吞一粒止痛药；
    但是要吞到何时头痛才会消失？不再纠缠着？
有时觉得想吐，就休息一下，让那做呕感消失；
    但是这感觉从何而来？因何而存在？
有时觉得悲，想大哭一场；
    但是想了又想，干吗哭啊？神经病！
有时觉得忙，就没时间去像其他的事；
    但是想想，有多少时间我是忙着的？偶尔罢了。。
有时觉得懒，就想找个借口开溜；
    但是始终良心发现，算了吧。。。还是做工去也。。
有时觉得自己很没用，什么事都不懂，不清楚；
    但是有谁给我们时间去适应新环境？了解工作范围？
有时觉得很孤单，就会胡思乱想；
    但是这是难以避免的啊。。。辛酸啊。。。

Went for a Tioman trip with my friends from Batu Pahat last 3 days. It’s a nice trip although the monsoon is coming. Some of us went for snorkelling whereas the others went for diving. Luckily the weather was considered good compared to those during my April trip to Tioman. Didn’t get any sunburn but i’m getting darker!:p Don’t know when i’ll be fairer…it takes longer time for me though. *sighs*   

    While i’m updating my blog, i’m lying comfortably on my Mersing’s house’s couch. Hmm…damn relaxing. It’s better if i don’t have to work tomorrow. Pei and me agreed that taking a day off after the Tioman trip was a good decision after all. We took this day to settle some bill and rental. Got a free lunch in between as the landlady asked us for lunch in her house (at least saved some money ;>). Besides that, we went ’shopping’ at the ONE AND ONLY ’supermarket’ in Mersing in order to replenish our food stock as well as to get some plastics for our garbage bin…:) Then…we’re back in the house again. It’s nice to take a day off from work once in a while….doing nothing in particular at home…relaxing. Sleep when i feel like it.

      Am having idiopathic headaches recently. Maybe i don’t have enough quality sleep i think :X. Have to rest more often i guess…

    My handphone condemned yesterday night….’forcing’ me to purchase another new handset in Mersing…sigh…bankrupt lo…-_-ll But still….i intended to buy a new one anyway. It’s just that i didn’t expect it to be so soon. Thought of waiting for November’s salary to be banked in first :p Better don’t think about it. It’s HISTORY!

   As for this morning, i got lots of calls again….sigh..neverending phone calls nowadays.Getting some more headaches. i don’t know why but the frequency is increasing. Not getting enough sleep?No ar…i went home early yeaterday to sleep! Bad quality sleep? Hmmm…maybe….(one of the reasons to be explored).

   Well…will be going back early today too…as i worked during lunch hour. Hope that i won’t feel my head trobbing during my way back. Sigh….why are there so many things to be done AT ONE TIME?That’s my working life….

This morning when i’m driving to work, the road is very misty…..i felt like i’m driving to Genting (as the road here is winding as well, kind of similar)! Well….of course not ‘too’ misty compared to Genting. The land here does not have the altitude to have mist to that extend. It’s mostly due to the after-rain atmosphere…furthermore…..i’m driving through a reserved jungle!:p

           Later in the morning, i felt busy (for the first time when i’m here in Mersing)….my boss from the enforcement called me umpteen times to ask about this and that…..to hand-up this and that!:X My colleagues were observing me the whole morning! Hehe….’cos my phone rang once in a while…;p But luckily….i got some documents to deliver to my ‘main’ office in Mersing and the hospital.So…..i took the afternoon off….and drove back to Mersing! During the whole journey, i felt sleepy….i wonder how i came back?!

            The first thing i think of when i finished my ‘business’ in my ‘main’ office is that…..GOD!!I’M DAMN SLEEPY!!As a result, i rushed back home and…POP!..I’m lying on my bed….;> However, i don’t think i got a good quality sleep though…really miss my bed in BP!!

            Since i’m back early today, i suddenly thought of making a pudding. Hmmm……Let us start by whipping the cream. It took me quite some time to do that ‘cos i’m doing it manually!! Then the pudding ‘operation’ started. I was mixing this and that together…and heat it over medium heat….and finally…it was done (anyone who thinks that’s easy please go and bang your head on the wall. But honestly speaking, it’s easy when you think of it)!

           There’re some flaws in my pudding from what i saw. First, i don’t know whether the pudding mixture that i made was thick enough. Second, i can’t predict whether i put in the right amount of ingredients (although i followed some recipes that i’ve researched :p). Third, i tried to make some layers (kononnya cantik!Haha…) in which i think it won’t turn out as what i presumed. Well….at least it’s still edible (is it?!….to be tested :p) I hope i won’t puke after tasting it

   I‘m gonna fall sick! Now having a tiny weeny little bit of throat discomfort and some symptoms of flu. Maybe i’m dehydrated? Don’t feel like taking medicine…sigh…:X It’s cold in my working place…should bring my sweater tomorrow :p

   Today is yet another ‘kind of’ relaxing day in the KK again. Took 2 puddings today…1 in the morning, 1 in the afternoon….lol…free one! Yummy!.Hehe…Although it’s relaxing ere, the number of patients almost reached 150!It’s still considered ok….

   During the ‘relaxing’ time while dispensing in between, i managed to surf the net for more cooking recipes…Well….Pei…you’ll be able to eat more variety of dishes soon…;> Besides, i asked for my dispenser’s help in shopping for groceries at the wet market…Thanks a lot for your help….(not so convenient to disclose the name :p) Browsed through some desserts also…Well…wait till i have the time to make some.

Yet again…..another boring and relaxing day at work.Guess wat? I’ve been online and offline and online and………*bla bla bla* the whole day.Besides, i got time to play minesweeper and solitaire! *sigh*

    Went to a ‘higher class’ mamak stall today for dinner. The food there is quite nice but the thing was…………we have to wait for quite some time before the food was served (my stomach was staging a war at that time, sigh). But still, i ordered a bowl of tomyam seafood and na plate of nasi goreng paprik. The tomyam was nice! But this may be due to my hunger at that moment ;p Never mind, next time will try other places (if there’s any recommended places to be visited).

    Well….finished dinner of course went back home…..Ahh….it’s nice to be home (although the house is rented, at least it feels homely). Pei and I watched the first episode of ‘Ichi Ritoru no Namida’ (One Litre of Tears—translated, if i’m not mistaken). It’s an emotional and sad story. I think we’ll need more tissue paper some day soon while watching the show ;>

  It’s the last day of Raya holiday…..sien ar…..need to go back Mersing this evening again. No choice….it’s life! Have been spending quite a lot these past 2 days. Hmm….all on clothes :p

    Saw the ferry mishap near Pulau Tioman in the news. It’s sad…..I wonder when the authorities are going to find the missing people…..I hope this incident will not happen again in the future. It’ll give a bad impression to our tourists though. Then there’ll be less tourists in Mersing, and less foreign ‘leng zhai’ to hunt ;D…..*winksss* Well Jane…this is for your happiness o….I’m keeping a lookout for you…;>

    Talking about work, i hope there’s not much patients in my KK starting tomorrow….. but i heard that the amount of patients will increases drastically after Hari Raya Puasa compared to those during Ramadhan. Well…just cross my fingers then. Hope that i can cope with it